Love the Way You Lie

Have you ever been in a relationship where you loved the person with all that you had and yet every part of you told you to run and when you got the chance, run like hell? Every piece of me wanted to leave, every piece of me knew I had to leave and yet every piece of me would only get as far as to packing up one box sitting on the kitchen floor and balling my eyes out. Then I would wait, I would wait until he came in and ask me to stay and I would always ask the one question, Do you love me? and the answer was always yes.


You see this question is the reason why I stayed in a 4 and a half year relationship that should of ended after a year and a half. I had to find my bottom though, the last straw that would finally make me go run and never look back. I found it... My brother in law died and the month that followed my bottom became clear. And the first few steps were hard, then I ran and when I ran I never looked back.


The relationship I was in was what I refer to as a "toxic relationship." Now for those of you who know the person I am speaking of I will say this. I have the confidence to know that one day he will be the man that I saw from time to time. It is my belief that every man and every woman know how to be in a relationship. They simply get to find the person that they want to be that for. I wasn't his.


After hearing the recent release of Eminem's new song "Love the Way You Lie" I told myself it was time to write this blog. In fact I have wanted to write a book about Toxic relationships for quite some time now. This is the first step I believe.


Most people who look at others who are in toxic relationships can't even fathom why the people stay together. I always remind those people that what you tolerate, what I will tolerate and what they tolerate are all different. Yet when it comes to that point, the bottom, the person knows and that is when they run like hell.


This won't be the last blog about toxic relationships. I say this because I believe with all that I have, I had to go through this to get to the place I am at today. I have committed to being vulnerable, open and trusting with all of me to one person. Some might even say that I, DreAnn Story am in love...

Life Wouldn't Be The Same

Someone dies…

And usually you think to yourself why?

And always always it comes, gosh I wish I could of told them… this or that. Or even sometimes you talk about all the beautiful things you thought of them and never once actually told them.

I have my whole life at the young age of 24 experienced death. My mom in fact told me that I actually became quite obsessed with it at times. I feel the reason for this is because I have always wanted to understand it, the rhyme or reason why it happens. Usually the reason people come up with, is it has something to do with God. I on the other hand have always felt that there are some reasons besides that, although the one death I experienced a year and a half ago can’t have a good reason in my mind. That was the death of someone I cherished, my brother in law Jeff.

This death was very different for me in every way than I had ever experienced before. Yet the same thing came up for me that has with every death I have ever experienced in my life. People expressing the way they feel about the person yet they never expressed it to the person while they were living. I guess the reason this has come to bug me so recently is because I wonder to myself why it takes someone dying for us to express these things.

There are a lot and I mean a lot of things I have changed in my life since Jeff died a year and a half ago. My very unhealthy and toxic relationship that lasted for 4 ½ years came to an end. I began living life for myself. I developed an even closer relationship with my sister. My family got closer then I ever thought possible. The biggest thing though would be my general outlook on the things that mattered. The small bullshit that I held on to in the past didn’t matter anymore. Living life is all that matters.

So to the reason for this blog… I want to make a commitment to myself and I hope that others will join me as well. I am committing to telling people in my life how much they matter to me and what I truly think of them. I no longer need to wait until their funeral to stand up and speak so highly of them to a box of ashes or a casket. I will tell them how I feel now and how life without them would be. I want them to know just how much I truly cherish them in my life and all the beautiful things I see in them.

Something I must say that reminded me of this even more was a quote (of course) that I saw at a friend’s house…

“The road to a friend’s house is never far.”

I can’t tell you how many times this has been tossed around about living too far and how long of a drive it might be. I say this the 30 minute drive it may take will be worth it each time to know it is time well spent with someone that without them, life just wouldn’t be the same.

Beautiful Mistakes

My halo cracked, my wings fell off my back and I was staring into the most disappointed eyes I had seen in all of my 17 years of life. It was the day my parents found out that their "little angel" was in fact no angel at all... I may have been an "angel" when it came to sports and when it came to grades yet for the matters that seemed to mean the most to my parents, I did things that I would say your "typical" teenager does and then hides from the two people that you never want to hear those words come out, "I am not mad at you I am disappointed." The next words that came out of my mom's mouth where this, "Do you regret anything?" I looked at them and said this, "Mom and Dad I don't regret anything at all actually... I have learned from it though." My mom wasn't even sure what to say to me at that point.


It was that day that I started to learn this lesson. Everything I have ever experienced in my life is what has made me into the person I currently am. Regretting things in the past is like saying I don't like who I have turned out to be today and I personally love the me I get to share with this world.


I used to say there was one thing I regretted doing. Then as time went on I realized, I in fact was more appreciative of this than almost any other mistake I made. It was the awfulness of my actions that I felt afterward that has made it impossible for me to ever do that to someone again.


I have come across so many people in my life that if most people knew all of the past's of those people they wouldn't look at them the same. I, on the other hand, want to take a trip back into the past's of those people to see what has made these people into the beautiful person they are today.


One person in particular in my life today that I personally watched hit rock bottom. This rock bottom is the one that you can even think about, it is the kind of rock bottom that most people can't fathom up because it is so far down. I know personally though that without this rock bottom she wouldn't be the beautiful woman that she is today.


There is also a man that I got to experience only the beautiful person he had become. While others saw the change in him and I slowly found out the many things that made him who he was today. I began to realize that what most people see as a "bad" broken past, I see it as a puzzle of their life that is simply being put together that makes them who they are. I have even more recently been in someone's life who I so badly want to ask so many questions about his past because I want to know all the in's and out's of what has made him into such a beautiful person.


As for my parents, they truly have been accepting of me and all of us kids no matter the many things we have put them through. I am sure at times I may have disappointed them and I know that I have also made them proud of me. I will say this though, it is because they have always allowed me to be the person I want to be that I have turned out to be who I am today.


So the reason for me writing this blog is because I want people to know that the past is not something to frown upon, even if it is viewed as "bad." The past is something to truly appreciate and learn from. That is the beautiful thing about mistakes, it's the lessons that we learn from them. P!nk has a song names Crystal Ball and in the song my favorite line is

"I am learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes"

I'll ask you this, how can we ever appreciate the people that we love in life without accepting all those things that have made them into who they are today?

Those few steps...

Lets be honest here...

I stood for an hour in high heels, walked down three flights of stairs and sat in a chair for three and a half hours.... then in the moments walking towards that stage I thought to myself this is it. This is the moment I have waited for, for six years. I climbed five steps handing off my name card and heard "DreAnn Story." Those few steps meant so much. Those steps represented all the crazy moments that I would throw my papers, cry, laugh, smile, be proud of myself, feel like a complete failure, the first D I have ever received, the day I was told what an amazing lawyer I would make, every bit of knowledge I obtained, midterms, finals, papers and most of all the hard work and dedication it took to take those few steps. Walking down that red carpet back to my seat I thought holy crap I did it, wait people are staring, the smile is still there ok DreAnn watch your step... Holy Cow DreAnn look what you just did!!

There has been so many moments in life I doubted myself and so many times I wished for others to be proud of me. On Saturday though the one person that needed to be the proudest of me finally was. That person was me... I am the only person who truly knows all the ins and outs of what that degree actually entitles. This is also a huge check off the good ole bucket list for me! I am waiting for grades to see if I get to check off another one as well.

Mom and dad I want to say thank you for always believing in me and all of my crazy and wild dreams. All of my brothers and sisters and my whole family thank you for all that you have done for me. Danyl thank you so much for everything this past year and a half we have truly embarked on a whole new life and I know you are a huge part of why I finished strong this past year. To all my lovely friends for always supporting me. And Jeff, while I am sure you were hanging out up there watching, I am sure you understand how mad I am you weren't there! So thank you for all the support and pushing to make sure I made it to Saturday. To everyone who has ever helped me through this fabulous chapter in my life... Thank you I appreciate it more then I can ever express!

Now for the question of what is next? There are a lot of next's for me now. I plan to get in great shape and I mean great running shape YUCK... I get to do a few things to prepare myself to be the best Police Officer Las Vegas has ever had ;) LSAT may just be taken to see where I stand. A 2nd job may be happening... and time lots of time for me and all the people that I haven't been able to do the things I have set aside until now. SKYDIVING!! On my birthday I plan to do it. This was one of my fabulous gifts I received on Saturday. This is also #1 on my bucket list! So I will leave you with this

The future opens up before you
like a new book...
waiting for you
to commit to its pages
the story only you can write.

So until the next time of me sharing one of the pages I hope you enjoy! And please to any of you who are debating on going to school, do it! I promise it is worth every bit of this!

In Love with this thing we call life…

Love what is it…

I recently started to read a book called “The Day I Shot Cupid.” The book not only contains some of my favorite quotes it also contains a study that has truly touched my heart.

http://justbeingme1.blogspot.com/2009/01/what-does-love-mean.html

My three favorite…

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." Karen - age 7

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7

While reading this book, written by Jennifer Love Hewitt, she calls herself a love-aholic. The moment I read that I thought to myself, that is ME! I am a love-aholic. I don’t just mean the kind of love that is shared intimately between you and a partner, I am talking about the love that I have for all sorts of things in life. Here is something I wrote one day to show a few things I do indeed love.

♥ The things I can say I love the most… ♥ laughing even if it is through tears, ♥ smiling even at random strangers, ♥ running out in the rain even if my hair gets curly, ♥ loving even if I get hurt, ♥ being an auntie even when I get to discipline, ♥ being a sister even when I put myself second, ♥ going to school even though I should own stock in Rockstar, ♥ writing things on my bucket list and checking them off even if some seem impossible, ♥ being a friend even if that person once betrayed me, ♥ my pure randomness even if no one in this world gets it, ♥ belonging to a family even though some think we are crazy, ♥ being honest even when people don’t want to hear it and ♥ most of all taking risks even when I don’t have the wings to jump off the cliff. ♥

I have learned that the only kind of love I know how to give is with all of me included. I don’t know how to hold back. When I love something I give it my all, even if it has ended in heartbreak, I feel that one time it will all be worth it. Each one of those heartbreaks will be what leads me to that kind of love someday (the intimate kind of course). I love it all, every bit of life and everyone who is in my life is there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. So you see this is why my blog is called, “In Love with This Thing We Call Life.”

I, DreAnn Story, am a Love-aholic and I am stating it to the public for all to know!