Someone dies…
And usually you think to yourself why?
And always always it comes, gosh I wish I could of told them… this or that. Or even sometimes you talk about all the beautiful things you thought of them and never once actually told them.
I have my whole life at the young age of 24 experienced death. My mom in fact told me that I actually became quite obsessed with it at times. I feel the reason for this is because I have always wanted to understand it, the rhyme or reason why it happens. Usually the reason people come up with, is it has something to do with God. I on the other hand have always felt that there are some reasons besides that, although the one death I experienced a year and a half ago can’t have a good reason in my mind. That was the death of someone I cherished, my brother in law Jeff.
This death was very different for me in every way than I had ever experienced before. Yet the same thing came up for me that has with every death I have ever experienced in my life. People expressing the way they feel about the person yet they never expressed it to the person while they were living. I guess the reason this has come to bug me so recently is because I wonder to myself why it takes someone dying for us to express these things.
There are a lot and I mean a lot of things I have changed in my life since Jeff died a year and a half ago. My very unhealthy and toxic relationship that lasted for 4 ½ years came to an end. I began living life for myself. I developed an even closer relationship with my sister. My family got closer then I ever thought possible. The biggest thing though would be my general outlook on the things that mattered. The small bullshit that I held on to in the past didn’t matter anymore. Living life is all that matters.
So to the reason for this blog… I want to make a commitment to myself and I hope that others will join me as well. I am committing to telling people in my life how much they matter to me and what I truly think of them. I no longer need to wait until their funeral to stand up and speak so highly of them to a box of ashes or a casket. I will tell them how I feel now and how life without them would be. I want them to know just how much I truly cherish them in my life and all the beautiful things I see in them.
Something I must say that reminded me of this even more was a quote (of course) that I saw at a friend’s house…
“The road to a friend’s house is never far.”
I can’t tell you how many times this has been tossed around about living too far and how long of a drive it might be. I say this the 30 minute drive it may take will be worth it each time to know it is time well spent with someone that without them, life just wouldn’t be the same.
